Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
