You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
