just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
