with your own penis?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize