Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
