Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
