i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
