I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
