why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize