he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
