She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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