Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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