your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
