I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
