Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Couch. On fire.
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