I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize