Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
