I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
