I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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