From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize