he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
