Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
