Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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