Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come on in and take your pants off
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