I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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