And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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