Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
