i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
