i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
