ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize