im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize