there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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