omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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