Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize