theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
