Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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