I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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