He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
