i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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