It's Friday. Sex?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
