Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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