Moan for me like Helen Keller
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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