R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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