i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
