just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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