so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
