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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
