Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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