I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
