I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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