i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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