I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
