I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
