All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I deserve this hangover.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize