i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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