I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
