dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
