You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and she was petting her beer can
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
