actually, I'm a sock model
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
