At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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