every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
