I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
