But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Randomize
