Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
