This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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