I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
