Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
