watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
