just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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