He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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