How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
