Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
