so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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