how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't deserve a penis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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