He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
