I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
