i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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